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 Frequently Asked Questions 

Why do second wives need a site with private discussion forums, anyway?

Blended families, while making up an increasing number of households, pose special problems to their members. Second wives often bear the brunt of many issues, including problems with stepchildren, their husband's potentially-difficult former spouse, uncertain finances, and legal battles. Once the glow of new romance dims a bit and reality sets in, many new second wives feel lost and alone.

Our online community offers the support and friendship of more than 1,500 members. New members quickly feel at home and have many of their questions answered. The privacy of our forums assures members that their problems will stay private.

What is the "Members Café"?

The Members Café is our members-only area. It's a gathering place where they can catch up on the latest in each other's lives, talk about their kids, make a new friend, brag about husbands, or find a shoulder to cry on. That's where our forums, chat, and member photo album are.

Why are your discussion forums private?

Our members appreciate the privacy and security of our forums so they can feel free to be completely honest with each other.

What do I need to do to become a member?

That's easy! Just fill out a membership application and click submit. All we ask is that you are honest about your identity and answer all questions to the best of your ability.

Why do you want my phone number and address?

We get asked this a lot. Simply put, it's for the protection of our current members. We verify all applications thoroughly and try to make sure that our members are who they say they are. Some of our members have had problems with their husbands' former spouses joining the same discussion forums, simply to make trouble for them. We don't want this to happen here.

What happens to my personal information once I apply? Who can see it?

No one can access your "real name", address, or telephone number but our site's three administrators. Our members can be as anonymous on our forums as they wish. If you would like to be as anonymous as possible, then you may opt to make your email address and your biographical information invisible to other members.

How long will it take for my membership to be approved?

Most memberships are approved in less than a day, however, we ask that you give us up to 48 hours to approve memberships.

I've been stalked on the Internet. What do you do to protect your members?

From time to time people may attempt to gain access to the site for reasons other than SecondWivesCafé's mission. Although rare, ex-spouses or others may attempt to access the site to harass or "spy" on members. We make every effort to maintain the privacy of our community. We have the capability of monitoring suspicious site activity by users. This capability also serves to deter similar sites from malicious misuse the contents of this site.

If you are concerned that the biological mother of your stepchildren or any other negative influence may try to gain membership into the site and violate your privacy, please email admin @ with information about these persons. They will be denied admission. The identities of all applicants are verified.

If you're so committed to free speech, can people post anything they want?

As long as it's legal and meets our Terms of Service guidelines, we will not remove posts.

Posts are likely to be removed if they contain:

  • Racist or "hate" propaganda
  • Obscene material
  • Ad hominem attacks on another member (here we'll interpret that as an attack on a person, not an idea or issue. If it looks like an insult or "flame", it probably feels that way to the attacked member)
  • Attacks on the Café community, administrators, moderators, chat hostesses, or other staff members
  • Advertising or other solicitation
  • Posts designed to incite members to leave or attack the community
  • Violations of law, including but not limited to copyright violations, trade in illegal substances, child pornograpy.

Posts may be edited if they contain:

  • Offensive material
  • Ad hominem attacks on another member
  • Vulgarity
  • Personal information of another member or person
  • Links to illegal or obscene websites

Can my husband become a member?

Sorry, our site is for women only. This helps our members feel comfortable to discuss their issues openly. There are some excellent sites for men already on the internet. Just post a question to our members, and they'll point you in the right direction!

One excellent site your husband might like is SPARC, the Shared Parenting Access and Resource Center.

I filled out a membership application and got an approval email. Now I can't log in!

It's important to remember that both your username and your password are "case sensitive". This means if you made your password, "MoThEr", you will need to keep the capital letters capitalized and lower-case letters lower-case. Double check your username and password; if you still can't get in, email us at admin @ and we will get your problem fixed.