Stepfamilies: Love, Marriage and Parenting in the First Decade by James Bray, Ph.D., and John Kelly

Reviewed by Barbara Wright-Avlitis
In stepfamilies, we are almost always hit with issues that don't strike other "Hollywood-style" families. I mean, you never see Mrs. Cosby having to deal with her husband's ex-wife, do you? A couple meets, fall in love, and gradually the children come along. They seem to have clear slates and are ready to make their lives together.

Not so with the stepfamily. It is often assaulted with issues that can tear at the core of the new marriage and family relationships. With stepfamilies, we immediately get an "instant family" and all the challenges that come with existing situations.

Through excellent case studies and very practical advice, Dr. James Bray and John Kelly offer methods for a stepfamily to become a nurturing and loving environment for each member. As stepparents, we are often plagued by questions like, "What part should I play in the discipline of my stepchild?" or, "What if we have a baby? Will it change things?" Maybe we have even wondered how to "exorcise the ghosts of our exes" from our lives. This book details practical steps we can take in order to heal from divorce and avoid the usual stepfamily conflicts.

This book is written with modern families in mind and takes into consideration the cultural changes that have taken place in the past few decades regarding marriage and families. I particularly enjoyed the chapter entitled, "A Stranger in My Own House: The Part-Time and Full-Time Stepmother."

This is a "no-holds-barred" kind of book that describes situations that we all can relate to. I think there's something in this book for everyone who is living in a stepfamily. I highly recommend it, especially for those in new stepparenting roles and those who are contemplating marrying into a stepfamily. You will laugh, cry, and a few light bulbs will even go on in your head as you read this well-written book.

New to stepparenting? An old hand? Talk about this book in the Members Cafe!

Barbara Wright-Avlitis is an American woman who's lived and worked in Greece for the past seven years. She's a second wife to a Greek native and has one stepdaughter. Her three children from her previous marriage are all grown. Barbara manages training and development for her company's Eastern Europe and Middle East territories.

Barbara is a SecondWivesCafe member and co-moderates on our Abuse and Belle Curves forums.