Personal Essays

Everything I Know About Parenting, I Learned from a Fortune Cookie

by Jennifer Holstein

It's true.

I carry around this fortune I got when my relationship with my now-husband was still fairly young.

I got it when I wasn't terribly sure about becoming a stepmother or any of that other jazz. I liked kids, but at 19, it sure seemed an awful lot to take on. Things were getting kinda serious between Brian and me, and as much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to fall in love with the whole lot of them.

One night we all went out for Chinese food: Brian, me, and the kids. It was good. It was a nice night and the four of us out together felt good. Chicken was eaten, noodles slurped down, bellies filled. The meal over, the check came and there sat those four golden cookies of wisdom.

The kids, being kinda young, weren't interested in doing much more with them than smashing them up. Brian doesn't like fortune cookies, so he has always opened them, removed the fortune and passes the cookie parts to me.

I cracked mine open. It read, "Your example will inspire others."

I looked at my little "family" and realized that I was holding a golden piece of wisdom here. I had the opportunity to shape these three lives. My would-be husband would learn new lessons about love and life from me. My influence, although I did not know it at the time, would change his perception of love after his bitter divorce. He would find hope in the future again. And who knows how far my would-be little stepkids could go with the help of my influence.

I sometimes get frustrated and want to throw my hands up. Life is hard and dealing with a husband, his two kids, and his ex-wife can sometimes seem overwhelming.

But I always seem to remember that fortune, "Your example will inspire others."

Remembering those words allows me to step back and re-evaluate my life. How will my example inspire others? What are my actions teaching my family? Do I want to teach my children the lesson that when life gets tough, you run and hide? Or do I want to show them how to be strong in the face of adversity?

I try to remember that everyone has trouble, but that I have the power to inspire others. I can make a difference, but it's up to me what kind of difference I want to make. Good or bad, right or wrong, my example will shape and mold others. Maybe not directly, always, but they will. I may never know just what my example will do for those kids. Perhaps it will some day help them make a difficult decision or help them find a strength they might have otherwise not known.

Sometimes being a stepmother, or a biological one for that matter, is a thankless and awful job. But, always remember, no matter what happens, there are little eyes watching, little ears listening and little lives being shaped right under our noses. And it's up to us, even during the bad times, to set the example.

Five little words... but to me, what a world of difference they have made in this crazy ride of parenting.

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