Mothering & Stepmothering

Why Are Stepmoms Treated So Differently?

by Jennifer Holstein

I think stepmoms get a hard time because no one wants them.

In a perfect world, there wouldn't be stepparents. Stepfamilies are born from pain and loss, whether it is the loss of a spouse or the pain of a divorce. I realize that remarriage can be a joyous thing, but the cold fact is that stepmothers are a necessary evil. We are the results of broken families and hurt.

I can understand how people could see us as interlopers. I can see how people will put us down. But what they don't know is that how we as stepmothers try to help pick up the pieces. We take a situation that is broken and try to bring love and joy back to it. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail.

I look at my life now. I am 23 years old. I have a 7-year-old stepson, a 6-year-old stepdaughter and a 36-year-old husband. I see this family that was once broken and without hope. I see our house, which used to filled with anger and pain. And I look and now I see love and joy. I see a house where the people who dwell there are happy to come home. I see what once was four seperate people is now one family bound forever. No, I am not their mother, but by God, I am an important part of this family and I will be respected.

Society does a real injustice by not treating its stepmothers well. We are heroes. We face adversity and pain and sorrow and rejection to give the ones we love another chance at family.

We are stepmothers! And we deserve respect!

Jennifer "Jennifer11" Holstein is the non-custodial stepmom to two great kids (and expectant mom to her first baby, due soon!). When she's not working, taking care of the family or sleeping, she is on SWCafe, where she co-moderates several forums. She and her family live in Charleston, SC.